Trying for Baby: Time to Pause

I'm sorry for this post. I usually try to structure my posts a little, but really I just need to write. So, this is bound to be a more diary type post than most. 

I started my period today. I was devastated. I really thought I was pregnant this month. I was even 3 days late. I just felt pregnant. It hurts that again we failed. I went to my "Staying positive" list. Currently I am in the wallow phase. But something else important had to happen too. We had to decide what the next few months would entail. I was hoping this would be our month and we didn't have to worry about it, but, alas, that was not the case.

Tim and I decided to hold off trying to conceive for a couple of months. We have a couple of reasons for our decision.

One is that it will allow me to work an extra semester. This way we can hopefully get some more bills paid off and be better prepared for baby.

Two is that if I decide to go into my graduate program, I can get a full semester out of the way. I'm not entirely sure that I will be doing a grad program, but this is always an option.

Three is that we can avoid the crazy-ness of the holidays. Holidays tend to be horrible for us. We are usually pretty busy bouncing from all the families (4 different places). and to bring a brand new baby seems a little crazy. Plus, if I were to be due then it is possible that I would be giving birth then which is even crazier! Let alone, we may be without our midwife, if she is out of town for holidays.

Everything together helped us decide that putting trying to conceive off for a couple of months (2 to be exact) is the right decision for us. The problem is, I really want a baby. I am already hurt that we aren't pregnant. I'm frustrated that it is happening for all these people around me, most of which aren't even trying, while I am left behind. I understand Tim can't understand my feelings and I wouldn't expect him to, but at the same time I can't get over this hurt feeling.