Trying for Baby: Staying Positive

So, This is going to be one of those long entries I was talking about.The main reason? It's a very important topic to me and really the biggest thing going on in my life.

Tim and I have been trying to conceive for a few months now, five to be exact. Although in the long run this isn't a long time, I was one of those people who was sure that I would be pregnant the first month. That first month came and went and I had my first experience with the depression of old Aunt Flo showing up. For someone who has suffered with depression my entire life, this was a huge shock that I was not ready for.

Now, I'm an adult. I have been getting periods since I was 13 and have hated it, every month, every time. So, I really thought this wouldn't be any different. But there is a funny process one goes through when trying to conceive and your period starts. First is Shock. I was appalled and shocked when I woke up bleeding. It was like I was again that 13 year old freaked out that this could happen. Shortly after it finally sunk in that I was indeed not pregnant. Then came the depression. I had failed. I felt like I couldn't get over these feelings. But I became even more determined.

When good ol' Aunt Flo arrived again the second month, I went through the same thing. The third Month? worse. I knew with ever month more and more couples are getting pregnant and I wasn't one of them. I began seeing more and more baby stuff and cute babies everywhere. And with every facebook update about children and a few friends who announced they were pregnant, I was not only depressed but bitter. I reclused even more into myself. Tim and I began to fight about little stuff, only because, I was depressed, he was stressed and I was hurting. I realized that I would never conceive like this. 

So, I began doing random things that make me feel better when I know I am not pregnant. At first I didn't even know I was doing some of these but now, as we enter into cycle five, I am leaning on these more and more. Now, for the point of this post, I've decided to list and explain my coping techniques, some good, some bad, in the hope that I can share the information with not only other people, but have a list for me to look back on in case I am not blessed this cycle and must go through it again next month and best case scenario to save for my future use with all upcoming children.

How to make yourself feel better about not being pregnant:

Distraction: The "Oh, Look! A Squirrel!" Approach
Overloading your schedule will get your mind off of baby. For me, I focused on school, work, getting all the stuff in my house organized, making sure the cats got worm medication, and pretty much anything that did not involve me thinking about how much I want kids. Did this work? yes. Is it a great Idea? Probably not. The main reason: Stress. The thing that I forgot is that when you overload your schedule you: 1. are very stressed which does not allow you to be relaxed enough to conceive. 2. You are so tired you don't want to have sex (which in case you don't know is an important part of getting a baby in your belly, no you can't just eat one.) and of course 3. or as I like to call it 1 & 2 combination hell, stress makes your immune system weak, weak immune systems get you sick, being sick sucks, because it sucks you don't want to have sex, no sex = no baby (see above for reasoning). So, if you plan to use distraction techniques try to stay away from overloading too much and make sure it is something you really enjoy and can still stay stress free.

Make Excuses: The Next Month is Better Month
So, probably the first thing that you think of when you calculate that next hopeful estimated due date is think of the month and what is going on. The next thing you do is think of why this will be the perfect timing. For our first cycle that we thought we were pregnant, we would have had a march baby and march was perfect because classes were ending and I could have the whole summer before starting graduate school. When it turned out I wasn't pregnant we moved on to the first month of actually trying to conceive and moved on to a hopeful estimated due date in May. May is great, spring is blooming, I still have all summer off and won't have to worry about going into labor and maybe still having exams. No? Oh, OK. Well, June is really perfect. We will have been married a year, it will be nice and warm (which I love). Still no baby? July, mid summer, kid won't have a B-day during school great. another month? August. My B-day is in august and plus I always thought our first would be just like me it is perfect... So, no we are moving on to October, Which is perfect because it is Tim's B-day and I get to be Prego at the Renaissance Festival (Where I have a booth) and that always seemed like so much fun. But I am sure that ever month will continue to be the perfect month

Another Month To..
This is actually a really good technique for me. There are many things that you can substitute here but here is my list of things that now that I know I am not pregnant I have at least one more month to enjoy: drink, eat whatever I want and not worry it will hurt baby, take pain meds when I have a headache, caffeine (specifically energy drinks, which I am obsessed with)
And things I have another month to do: Lose weight so I get closer to my ideal, organize our house and clear out all the clutter, save and pay off debit. So, by convincing me that each new month is actually the perfect month, I can subsequently convince myself that it is a good thing that I am not pregnant

Relax: A Quiet Reflection
This is part of my distraction technique but, I feel it is important enough to have it's own category too. Mainly because it is something that I struggle with and I think it is really important for getting pregnant. Here are some things that I do, and will be trying to do more often, that relax me:

• Yoga, I use to do this every day and it make me feel better, physically, emotionally and spiritually
• Meditation, I love meditation. I really enjoy guided meditations and have a bunch of CDs that I can listen to. There are some fertility meditations that I might try. I did just download one and used it for the first time a couple of days ago, I like how it makes me feel. I try to meditate every night before going to bed
• Baking, OK, this may be just me, but baking helps me feel less stressed and therefore in-turn more relaxed. Of course, if baking is your stress relief too I would encourage you to find some place to dump your baked goods so you don't eat all of them.
• Playing housewife, yes this is actually a stressful thing and a relaxation thing at the same time. Maybe it is because we are recently married, maybe it is because we are thinking about children and I plan to be a stay at home mom, but I love making our house a home. I love cleaning and making sure everything runs smoothly, cooking and presenting dinner and even making sure our bills are paid.
• And finally I need to remember to just stop and take even a second for myself.

Wallow: Let yourself
It is OK to be sad. I actually am just now realizing this. I spent a lot of the time trying to push back the tears, I tried to convince myself that there was no reason to be sad, that it was stupid that I would be upset and that somehow my depression made me worse of a person. Until I realized that it is sad, I want nothing more than to be a parent, everything in my life has been waiting for me to be a mom and it is sad, everyday that I am not pregnant. It's OK to be upset, sad and depressed. But, you must balance wallowing in your sadness with the ability to move on.

Fake It: Smiling In Public
Although it is OK to be sad, it is also OK to fake feeling happy. When at school and work, many times I feel very depressed but put on a fake smile and tell everyone how great my life is. There is a funny thing that happens when you do this, eventually you become happy, not about not being pregnant, but in general for the time being. I start with a fake smile and realize soon after that I am actually having a good time.

Plan: Preparing for Babies
It may seem counter-intuitive that looking at baby stuff will help you stay positive about not being pregnant, but in truth planning will make you feel more prepared. To top that off, when you are actually pregnant  the work will be done. I have spent many nights looking at baby stuff online, talking to Tim about options for birth, what we plan to do when we get pregnant, what we are going to do when baby comes and of course, one of my favorite topics, baby names. Tim asked me once why I was spending so much time thinking and researching babies, I told him "I cannot control when we get pregnant, so, focusing on what I can control helps me feel less helpless." This is exactly why I do it, I am a control freak, I hate not having control over when we get pregnant. By focusing on what I can do, I can stay positive and don't feel like I am lost. Because of this technique I spend a lot of time on baby forums. I, also, already know what midwife we plan to use (and that we are using a midwife), where we are giving birth, what I am comfortable with and what I am not, the c-section rates of the hospitals around my area, umbilical cord information, and an idea for names, our preference for keeping what a secret until when. I just really hope that I don't run out of stuff to think about and plan before I get pregnant.

Focus on Other Goals: No One is Just A Parent
What other things do you want to do with your life. For me, this includes finishing school, writing not only my novel but short stories and blogs, updating my website and promote my business and of course test out my craft ability and ability to make a living at it. All of these things help me with future dreams I wish to have. Author, writing coach, successful aromatherapy business, artist, yes! I have a lot of things on my plate. The closer to my dreams I can reach the more successful I will be at achieving them when babies come.

Read: To Baby or To Not Baby
I spend a lot of time reading, the question for me is always do I read baby books or other material? My solution has been to try to find a balance. Currently, I am only trying to read baby books about fertility and pregnancy, with more emphasis on fertility. This makes sure I don't go over board  with baby. I, also, really like reading fiction and non-fiction. By balancing a little of everything, it is easy for me to distract myself with reading. Along those lines, you can, also, spend time on amazon figuring out which books you want to read when you are pregnant and after you give birth. Reading tends to fit into many of the other techniques. With baby information , it is part of my planning. With much of my non-fiction, it is focusing on other goals. Fiction is a way to relax. and of course all are adding more things into my schedule so it is a distraction.

Write: The Blog Approach
If all else fails, or you feel you need a little more of a pick me up, write your feelings. Use a journal, baby forums, facebook status up-dates, twitter, or blog, whatever your style may be. Get your thoughts and feelings out. Maybe think about writing a list of what makes you feel better and refer back to it as needed.

So, there is my list. I hope to refer back to it often and hope that it helps others. And maybe one day soon I will no longer need it, I can start a whole new list of things to do once pregnant.

Taco Soup Recipe

So, I made Taco soup last night and It was so amazing and easy I had to share. Normally, I don't like tacos but this was great.

3 cans of Kidney Beans
2 cans of pinto beans
1 1/2 lb of ground beef
2 cans of corn
2 cans of diced tomatoes
1 packet of ranch seasoning (that little ranch mix packet)
2 packets of taco seasoning
tomato juice (probably about a cup)

I browned the ground beef. Then, I combined all the ingredients (except the tomato juice) in a big stock pot on the stove. I let it simmer for about an hour. It was a little thick so I added about a cup of tomato juice. I, then, let it cool down and put it in the fridge over night. This wasn't necessary but I know if you let a soup meld for awhile it will taste better. I, then, heated it back up the next evening for dinner.

You can also do this in a crock pot and really I was planning on it, except that I only have a really large crock pot or a really small one and neither were the size I needed.

So, when serving I sprinkled on shredded cheese (we used a Mexican blend) and crushed tortilla chips. The only thing that would have made it better was if I would have had sour cream, but we were out.

Tim really liked and and has informed me that I must, now, make this all the time for him.

Don't ask about baby plans

OK, so being a newly wed we get a lot of questions about when we plan to start a family. Many of my fellow women of child bearing age frequently get asked similar questions. I have to tell you: if you are this type of person that asks these questions, STOP! Do not ask people about their family plans. There is two sides to being this person that is being asked and I will explain both and why both suck

1.  You are not trying to conceive. For whatever reason you are waiting to have kids, don't want kids, whatever. It's annoying when you are constantly defending your choices. It is also horrible for societies expectations of you having children to be pushed in your face all the time. For many women, this starts once you get to a certain age or a number of your friends have children. But, I will tell you this is amped up even more once you are married.

2. You are trying to conceive and haven't yet. You really want kids, you are ready and trying, maybe you even are waiting to test, whatever the reason you aren't pregnant yet but want to be. This is an awful place to be, some say even worse than being in position 1. For me it has been a lot harder. The truth is people who are trying to get pregnant don't want to talk about their sex habits to everyone and probably don't want to explain to you "Well, I just bonked my husband, here is to hoping it works out!"  For those who are in this tough place, it is a horrible reminder that they are, in-fact, not pregnant.

So, if you are in either one of these positions at any time, I am sorry. I find responding with an awkward comment will stop them from asking for awhile. And if you happen to be the type who is asking people about their private sex lives, be prepared for a very honest, sometimes graphic answer

Yes! I did not believe this one

OK, So, after seeing this for a few times on-line I decided it couldn't be the same color. So, I proceeded to save it to my computer and open in paint. If you just the color picking tool you can see It actually is the same color. I find that optical illusions are always entertaining to me. And since I have been beyond busy and have not had time to even think about writing here. I decided, I can, at least, share this

Meet the Family

I thought I would introduce everyone to my little family

My Husband, Tim and me. We have been friends since middle school, We started dating a few years after high school and finally got married June 11th, 2011

Tempest Elizabeth. Born November 2012. She is the most amazing thing to happen to us. She already is full of personality. And she gets tired of our crap, and pictures. 

Olly. She's my bitter old lady cat. She hates the other cats, showers, and British accents. She likes being bitter, the cat window seat, and sitting on turtles

This is Nica. She's the second oldest but, still the smallest. Poor little Nica everyone picks on her. She is the most cuddly out of everyone. Other names she goes by: Tiny Neekee, Kitty Alarm Clock, Treat pig, "no! stop licking my nose!"

Lucifer. I call him Lue. He is my baby.  Lue is a sissy and cries constantly.  He comes in and cries. If I don't cry back at him he runs back outside. He is scared of everyone but me so, if you were over at my house you would never see him. But, I love him anyway

This is squeegee. He has a little stub tail. He was a stray at our last house So, we took him with us when we moved. He liked our house for awhile, but then found a neighbor he loves (who spoils him cause he is the only cat). Now he lives over there and just comes and visits every once and awhile

Moo. Official name Moolinar the Destroyer. She was found in downtown Flint in a tree. Our friend Michele knocked her out of the tree and brought her to us. She was a horrible ghetto cat, but is becoming a good cat.  She loves everyone but me and will be your friend forever if you let her kiss your feet.

Wink. Full name Rip Van Winkle. He sleeps around 20 hours a day. When he isn't sleeping his is beating up moo or killing animals outside, but mostly he sleeps. He is the newest addition to the family. He showed up in our house this winter and stayed for awhile. Now, he comes in about once a day to get his cat nip fix

RIP Hippy! He was my vicious attack rabbit (Monty Pyton style). If you cornered him he would hiss at you and jump at your throat. He loved to chase the cats around and hated when you move his stuff. I miss you Hippy.

So, that is our little crazy family. It's always entertaining at our house and sometimes a little chaotic.

The Joy of Home Ownership

So, Today we had the pressure switch on our well go out. That means no water for us. I had it fixed for a second by tweeking the settings. Then, it popped and sparked and took a nice chunk out of my screwdriver and I no longer wished to mess with it. Here is my cat Moo's way of making no water worse.

That's right, come in covered in mud! My wonderful Husband, Tim will be home soon so we can get our water fixed. Then maybe a kitty bath

The Road to Healthy Living

We, like most of the country, are having a heat wave. With temps around 90 for all of last week it's been hard to find the energy to exercise. Even my house, which has Air conditioning although an old one, is hot. I wanted to pass along what has been keeping me in check.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/Calisticsunrise

For those of you who don't know about this site, it's a great place to keep track of what you eat and what exercise you do. I love that it has almost every food already in there. and that I can add recipes and see what the calories are for the meals I make at home.

For those of you who are familiar with it, follow me (Calisticsunrise).

Why Start Now?

I have been meaning to start a blog for a long time. A place for my to collect my thoughts, express my feelings and even share some information I find throughout my life. On June, 11th 2011 I married my best friend, Tim. With such a big change in my life, this is the perfect time to start a blog.

It's a new chapter in my life and I invite you to join along