I decided that I really do want to give blogging a fair shot. Mostly because I need a place to write. But I've decided to start this blog over and move it. You can now find it on ScrawlsofLife.com
I considered transferring over blog posts, but have decided just to start fresh
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Friday, June 3, 2016
The 3 days I was pregnant with Baby #3
For anyone who knows me, you know I say all the time that I question if I want more kids. But that we at least need to know we can survive toddlerhood before having any more. Having two toddlers at home has created more than enough chaos for me to handle. And honestly, I am not handling it very well.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. My Husband and I barely have enough time to even be in the same room together let alone enough time to make a baby. But apparently we did. And I, completely in shock, was expecting baby number three.
We left for camping with the in-laws the next day. But first I ran to the corner drug store to get another test to confirm. Positive. It was finally sinking in. I had ran through a string of emotions in a day.
Anger. Mostly at myself, because how could I not know I was pregnant? And how could I get pregnant?
Frustration. I just finished my Master's degree and am job searching. And while I know it's illegal for places to discriminate against pregnancy, I also know that pregnancy makes potential jobs see me as a "less-serious candidate" even though this is far from the truth.
Worry. We are barely surviving with two. I don't sleep. I'm not a perfect mom. My house is disgusting. Tempest hulk throws her mattress. And both the girls can't stop moving furniture around. How would we survive with another?
Guilt. For my children who already don't seem to get enough attention. For my poor baby Alice that would mean being demoted to middle child. And Tempest is already super jealous and feels abandon most of the time.
Excitement. Most of all, I ended on excitement. I always said I wanted a lot of kids. And while I'm happy with both the girls, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy every time a friend of mine announces their pregnancy.
I was still processing it all. Day one of our camping trip, morning sickness kicked in. Actually I had been nauseous for about a week on and off, but this was bad. And on top of it I was suffering from a serious migraine, probably from caffeine withdrawal (I'm a serious caffeine-a-holic). But I remembered this. I knew it sucked, but it is worth it.
My husband and I talked through out the weekend about little things, like when we look for a new car how we will have to find one to fit 3 car seats (seriously, 3 car seats, is that possible?!). We talked about waiting to tell Facebook because of my job search. And we joked about all the pregnancy fun to come.
The day after we got home, I started bleeding. It came full force. There was no question to if it was a little spotting. or all the "it's normal, don't worry" type bleeding. No, this was full period mode, bleed through my pants bleeding.
I knew what this meant. We all know what this meant. Just a few short days after having my entire world thrown upside down with news of a baby, my world was flipped once more that no, in fact there wouldn't be. I was miscarrying.
Miscarrying is a dirty word. When we type it on message boards we have to put the word "trigger" in front of it because the word itself is so awful. And we don't talk about it. What's worse is that women are made to feel ashamed and embarrassed that they are upset. I wasn't very far along. And I know the chances of miscarrying are extremely high. But I was, am, still deeply hurt by this miscarriage.
I didn't even want another baby right now. I wasn't sure I wanted another baby ever. But, I'm hurt. And trying very hard to act normal, like everything is the same. Because no one knew. We didn't know long enough to tell people. and our society tells us we shouldn't tell people right away because something might happen. And of course we wouldn't want to talk about something happening.
I got on message boards to find out when I could officially call this pregnancy over. Mostly, because if I'm not having a baby I'm going to drown my sleep deprivation and sorrows in caffeine and alcohol. But instead what I find is a lot of false hope. Hundreds of posts about women who bled during pregnancy and came out with kids. Thousands of women telling their stories and telling the original posters not to give up hope, that there still might be a chance. But that isn't the reality, is it? Estimates say one in three pregnancies will end in miscarriage, most within the first few weeks. But instead of focusing on consoling each other we talk about the miracles. We talk about not giving up. And while I get it. Hope is good. And there is a chance. The truth is, I don't want hope. I don't want to hold on a few more days. I'm grieving now and I want to get through it and move on from it.
I don't feel validated in feeling sad about this. Instead I watch my children play and promise myself that I'll get at least one thing done on my to do list. I talk to my mom on the phone and I listen to her business plans and grievances. I don't tell her about the miscarriage. Not because I don't think she would be sympathetic. I know she would. But because I'm not sure I want sympathy. It doesn't help for people to feel pity for me. I just mostly want to be left alone to process. I want things back to normal. Back to the crazy hectic life I love. To the children who drive me crazy with their fighting and where I can't imagine how another would fit in right now. But now, with the realization, that I'm okay with how things are, but I'm also okay if we do end up pregnant again. Mostly, I am okay.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. My Husband and I barely have enough time to even be in the same room together let alone enough time to make a baby. But apparently we did. And I, completely in shock, was expecting baby number three.
We left for camping with the in-laws the next day. But first I ran to the corner drug store to get another test to confirm. Positive. It was finally sinking in. I had ran through a string of emotions in a day.
Anger. Mostly at myself, because how could I not know I was pregnant? And how could I get pregnant?
Frustration. I just finished my Master's degree and am job searching. And while I know it's illegal for places to discriminate against pregnancy, I also know that pregnancy makes potential jobs see me as a "less-serious candidate" even though this is far from the truth.
Worry. We are barely surviving with two. I don't sleep. I'm not a perfect mom. My house is disgusting. Tempest hulk throws her mattress. And both the girls can't stop moving furniture around. How would we survive with another?
Guilt. For my children who already don't seem to get enough attention. For my poor baby Alice that would mean being demoted to middle child. And Tempest is already super jealous and feels abandon most of the time.
Excitement. Most of all, I ended on excitement. I always said I wanted a lot of kids. And while I'm happy with both the girls, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy every time a friend of mine announces their pregnancy.
I was still processing it all. Day one of our camping trip, morning sickness kicked in. Actually I had been nauseous for about a week on and off, but this was bad. And on top of it I was suffering from a serious migraine, probably from caffeine withdrawal (I'm a serious caffeine-a-holic). But I remembered this. I knew it sucked, but it is worth it.
My husband and I talked through out the weekend about little things, like when we look for a new car how we will have to find one to fit 3 car seats (seriously, 3 car seats, is that possible?!). We talked about waiting to tell Facebook because of my job search. And we joked about all the pregnancy fun to come.
The day after we got home, I started bleeding. It came full force. There was no question to if it was a little spotting. or all the "it's normal, don't worry" type bleeding. No, this was full period mode, bleed through my pants bleeding.
I knew what this meant. We all know what this meant. Just a few short days after having my entire world thrown upside down with news of a baby, my world was flipped once more that no, in fact there wouldn't be. I was miscarrying.
Miscarrying is a dirty word. When we type it on message boards we have to put the word "trigger" in front of it because the word itself is so awful. And we don't talk about it. What's worse is that women are made to feel ashamed and embarrassed that they are upset. I wasn't very far along. And I know the chances of miscarrying are extremely high. But I was, am, still deeply hurt by this miscarriage.
I didn't even want another baby right now. I wasn't sure I wanted another baby ever. But, I'm hurt. And trying very hard to act normal, like everything is the same. Because no one knew. We didn't know long enough to tell people. and our society tells us we shouldn't tell people right away because something might happen. And of course we wouldn't want to talk about something happening.
I got on message boards to find out when I could officially call this pregnancy over. Mostly, because if I'm not having a baby I'm going to drown my sleep deprivation and sorrows in caffeine and alcohol. But instead what I find is a lot of false hope. Hundreds of posts about women who bled during pregnancy and came out with kids. Thousands of women telling their stories and telling the original posters not to give up hope, that there still might be a chance. But that isn't the reality, is it? Estimates say one in three pregnancies will end in miscarriage, most within the first few weeks. But instead of focusing on consoling each other we talk about the miracles. We talk about not giving up. And while I get it. Hope is good. And there is a chance. The truth is, I don't want hope. I don't want to hold on a few more days. I'm grieving now and I want to get through it and move on from it.
I don't feel validated in feeling sad about this. Instead I watch my children play and promise myself that I'll get at least one thing done on my to do list. I talk to my mom on the phone and I listen to her business plans and grievances. I don't tell her about the miscarriage. Not because I don't think she would be sympathetic. I know she would. But because I'm not sure I want sympathy. It doesn't help for people to feel pity for me. I just mostly want to be left alone to process. I want things back to normal. Back to the crazy hectic life I love. To the children who drive me crazy with their fighting and where I can't imagine how another would fit in right now. But now, with the realization, that I'm okay with how things are, but I'm also okay if we do end up pregnant again. Mostly, I am okay.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
The Abadonship of the Blog
Yes, I know I abandoned this blog. Yet another blog that was started with good intentions, but lost motivation. Eventually, I'll get back to it. Right now, I am in my last semester of grad school, so not going to happen any time soon. So why, come back now? Because it is then a commitment to myself. That I will come back and make something of this. That I do plan on actually doing this. It is not just a someday possibly thing. It is a real, concrete plan. Just not yet.
Friday, June 13, 2014
And then there was 4
I wasn’t sleeping. I knew I should be, after all the toddler would be up soon and being full term I was already exhausted most of the day. But my hips were killing me. The last few months of pregnancy I had been in so much pain I could barely move. If it weren’t for the toddler, who still wanted to be played with, despite mom’s grumpiness and short temper, I probably would not have moved from the bed. But there I was, awake again. 3:57 I saw the time on my Kindle and in an all too familiar rush, I felt my water break and trickle down my leg. I knew this feeling, baby was coming. My contractions were irregular and I knew from the birth of the toddler that I had some time, after all that one was 42 hours. I texted Tim to let him know, he would be getting off work in a few hours, no need for him to rush home. I prayed this wouldn’t be 42 hours.
I was excited, but not nearly as giddy as the last time. 2nd pregnancy, especially this close to the last one, has a weird feeling of excitement, dread, and most of all boredom. Excitement because here comes a new baby. Both excitement and dread because everything was going to change, we were no longer a one kid family.Our precious daughter was going to be a big sister, a role she obviously had no idea what it meant and how this would change her life. Could we really handle two? Would she be ok? Would she love her baby sister? But oh baby, those firsts all over again. There was also a large amount of dread on the impending pain. At this early phase the contractions weren’t that painful, I knew that wouldn’t last. But with all this, there was still boredom. I knew it would be awhile and knew generally what to expect. I couldn’t start anything, but I couldn’t just expect to sit around and not do anything. Mostly, I paced around the house and watched mythbusters on the TV.
Tim came home around 7:30, I called my mom about that time too. I let her know that today was the day, but to not hurray. She had time to gather her stuff, maybe stop at the grocery store, and prepare for coming to my house to stay with the toddler. The toddler was just waking up when Tim got home. She seemed oblivious to mom stopping and whining with each contraction, she just wanted to know what was taking so long for her milk and breakfast.
I sent Tim to bed because I was still doing well and I knew I would need him up and not grumpy for this.
My mom arrived around 9:30. We sat and talked names, of which we still weren’t sure. Unlike last time we knew the sex of the baby, another little girl, But I still had no ideas about names. Sure we had our short list, but nothing seemed quite right.
I let Tim sleep until about 12:30 before coming in and telling him he should think about waking up. He got up took a shower and got ready. We packed everything in the car, made sure the carseat was properly installed, I ate half a leftover sweet potato from our anniversary dinner two nights before. And away we went at around 1pm. Toddler waving in the window.
The drive to the hospital was new. Since Tempest was born at home, I never experienced having to drive while in labor. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. By then, contractions were about every 4 to 5 minutes apart, the drive was around ½ hour, and of course there was traffic.
Pulling into the hospital we had to decide, do we go through the front doors, or through emergency? I figured emergency was a bigger deal, and at least through the front we were close to parking and I knew my way. So in we went. Bag in hand, stopping every little while for me to catch my breath.
We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before someone brought us back to triage. They checked my blood pressure and had me get changed. Then hooked me up to the heart rate monitor. The midwife who came in didn’t believe me that my water had broke. She took a swab anyway and sent it off to the lab. A quick ultrasound showed baby was ready to go. Everything looked good. Tim and I sat alone in the intake room for what seemed like days, it was really only about an hour. Then the midwife came in told me that my lab results did in fact show amniotic fluid and that yes, my water had broke. I tried to contain the annoyance on my face and luckily another contraction took my focus off of it.
They finally got us our room and we got settled in. I was happy to hear that the midwife who checked us in was just getting off shift and was not the midwife I was delivering with. The nurses came by checked my blood sugar, told me I couldn’t eat, but gave me the “liquid” only menu that I could order from if I wanted. There was nothing I wanted less than food.
Iv started
Water broke again
Penicillin again
Final pushes
Baby
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Toddler Fit of the Day
How to have fits like a toddler. Today's lesson: Birds do not want to be inside of our house
Currently there is a bunch of birds right in front of our deck door. Since it is a glass door she can sit and watch them, which she loves to do. Today however she decided that they need to be inside of our house.
So, she goes over to the glass door. Half of them fly away.
Then she tries to open the door for the rest of the birds, so I help her open the door and of course the rest fly away. She cries. For a successful toddler fit repeat until distracted by something else
Currently there is a bunch of birds right in front of our deck door. Since it is a glass door she can sit and watch them, which she loves to do. Today however she decided that they need to be inside of our house.
So, she goes over to the glass door. Half of them fly away.
Then she tries to open the door for the rest of the birds, so I help her open the door and of course the rest fly away. She cries. For a successful toddler fit repeat until distracted by something else
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
10 months
In less than a half an hour my little girl will be officially 10 months old. I cannot believe how fast it has gone by and as I sit here and watch her sleeping all curled up with her toy sheep in her grip, I still cannot believe that I am lucky enough to be her mom,. I am lucky enough to have her in my life, and to watch her grow up. At 10 months she is already beautiful inside and out. She is strong, courageous, independent, funny and talented. She is everything I imagined when I dreamed of becoming a parent and she is so much more. I wish I could stop time and cherish where we are right now forever, but I also can't wait to see who she is as she grows up.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Miley Cyrus
So, I had to look up the clip of Miley Cyrus because I don't watch award shows and after watching it, I have a few things to say.
1. it really wasn't nearly as bad as everyone had been acting. I have seen way worse on TV
2. she looks like an idiot and none of it was sexy or acting sexy.
3. it isn't all her fault
While I do believe that it is her decision to act like that, I do think we have to realize the underlying cause of this is being ignored. First off, do you really believe any celebrity is getting ready for these shows on their own? She isn't some regular young adult getting ready in her bedroom alone. She has teams of stylists and fashion-gurus helping her get ready. This means someone picked out and made her outfit for her. it wasn't some blind decision. The same goes for the dancing. There is a choreographer involved, period. There is lighting and sound guys, there is music arrangers and a string of other people all pushing her in a certain direction. I remember me at 20. I was young, stupid, and if I was in her situation probably would have also got caught up in a scandal. In fact the majority of 20 year old's do wild and crazy things that are way to overly sexualized. This is why they are still making "Girls Gone Wild" dvds. The difference is most 20 year old's do not have cameras following them around, they also do not have people pushing them in the direction that they feel profit them the most. If you believe this was 100% Miley's creation you need a reality check. If you believe somewhere someone in't making a billion dollars selling these scandals, you are wrong.
I think it is time that people realize, acts like these are not one person "going wrong" they are the cause of a deeper unit at work here. One that feeds off of chaos and lies, one that preys on young adults because they can. One that is being drilled into every young child's mind through music, tv shows and media. It isn't about one girl acting crazy on TV. Its about so much more than this. We can pin blame on one person all we want, it does not change the fact that this is happening. It does not explain why child stars are falling in droves in this same pattern. You can't change your image from child to adult without some experimenting with who we want to be. And you shouldn't have to. Everyone should have the freedom to find who they are as an adult. I am happy I was allowed to do mine without the media questioning my every mood. Stars are not that lucky, maybe this is why their attempts are bigger and more exaggerated, maybe they just seem that way. Maybe at the end, this experience will make her a been women, maybe she will regret it, maybe it doesn't even matter to her. But it should not matter to us.
1. it really wasn't nearly as bad as everyone had been acting. I have seen way worse on TV
2. she looks like an idiot and none of it was sexy or acting sexy.
3. it isn't all her fault
While I do believe that it is her decision to act like that, I do think we have to realize the underlying cause of this is being ignored. First off, do you really believe any celebrity is getting ready for these shows on their own? She isn't some regular young adult getting ready in her bedroom alone. She has teams of stylists and fashion-gurus helping her get ready. This means someone picked out and made her outfit for her. it wasn't some blind decision. The same goes for the dancing. There is a choreographer involved, period. There is lighting and sound guys, there is music arrangers and a string of other people all pushing her in a certain direction. I remember me at 20. I was young, stupid, and if I was in her situation probably would have also got caught up in a scandal. In fact the majority of 20 year old's do wild and crazy things that are way to overly sexualized. This is why they are still making "Girls Gone Wild" dvds. The difference is most 20 year old's do not have cameras following them around, they also do not have people pushing them in the direction that they feel profit them the most. If you believe this was 100% Miley's creation you need a reality check. If you believe somewhere someone in't making a billion dollars selling these scandals, you are wrong.
I think it is time that people realize, acts like these are not one person "going wrong" they are the cause of a deeper unit at work here. One that feeds off of chaos and lies, one that preys on young adults because they can. One that is being drilled into every young child's mind through music, tv shows and media. It isn't about one girl acting crazy on TV. Its about so much more than this. We can pin blame on one person all we want, it does not change the fact that this is happening. It does not explain why child stars are falling in droves in this same pattern. You can't change your image from child to adult without some experimenting with who we want to be. And you shouldn't have to. Everyone should have the freedom to find who they are as an adult. I am happy I was allowed to do mine without the media questioning my every mood. Stars are not that lucky, maybe this is why their attempts are bigger and more exaggerated, maybe they just seem that way. Maybe at the end, this experience will make her a been women, maybe she will regret it, maybe it doesn't even matter to her. But it should not matter to us.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Lapsit
Our Library offers this amazing program for babies called Lapsit. We go, sing songs, read books, play musical instruments. Tempest loves it. And I love it too, for the most part. What I don’t love is how it makes me feel sometimes.
This is because there are a few moms there who you can tell are very good friends. They are what I would call the popular moms. The ones who gab about their careers and mutual friends and ask each other how their vacations went. Now, I have never been great at making friends and have very few people I would consider good friends, and even fewer who I think would consider me good friends. So, it makes me extremely sad to see such close bonds that I know I will never be a part of. To be honest, I really thought one of the nice parts of having kids would be the social interaction and belonging to the parenting club. Now I am starting to see that it might not be that easy.
Also, a huge problem seems to be at the ripe old age of 29 I am obviously the “old” parent there. Not only that, but to top it off I am way behind with this being my first Kid. I seem to be the only one in the entire neighborhood with only one child. Every other mom is on two or three. Because of my old age I am getting a lot of questions asking if this will be our only. Now, I didn’t really think I was that old to be starting to have kids, and I most certainly didn’t think I was old enough to be done having kids. After all, I am constantly reading studies about how women are postponing kids until older and older. Where were these parents? Where was my 30 somethings that I expected? Most certainly not here. Typically, I am use to being one of the younger people in the group. Most of my friends are a good 15-20 years older. I seem to get along good with that group. Normally, this gap is made more apparent my the fact that I look extremely young for my age. And while most of the time I could pass for this age group of parents, when I am there, it is no mistaken that I am older. Its like they are bloodhounds meant to sniff out the truth.
There is one other thing that makes me feel uncomfortable in this group, and yes it is petty and shallow, but it is also something women face on a daily basis, and that is many of the moms are pretty moms. Mostly these are the same moms that are the popular moms. Which puts me at a severe disadvantage. Now I not only do not act like these moms, I don’t look like them either. I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. I was over weight before I got pregnant and while I didn’t gain a lot during pregnancy, I did gain some. Then after I found it extremely difficult to lose weight, especially since any attempt to limit calories to a normal amount was causing a severe drop in my milk production. Now at 8 months I am still 5 pounds heavier than I was before getting pregnant and a good 30 more away from where I would like to be.
This weight has another significant impact on my life, which is clothes. I have very little that fit. And a total on none that fit and are stylish. Also, because of money and the fact that I am a cheapskate, I am not buying any. Instead I sport a plain t-shirt and jeans almost daily. While the skinny, popular people can probably pull this look off and be considered classic and timeless, on me it looks dumpy and old. What is worse off is even the few other “big” moms still look nice. They still have this cute vibe around them. I just can’t achieve, because although some of them look like they may be heavier than I am, I have most of my extra weight in my chin and in my tummy. Anything I wear is going to make me look pregnant. There is no hiding a tummy like mine. I have to admit being pregnant was wonderful because I could finally stop trying to suck in my tummy for 9 months. But now there was no excuse. Especially with Miss popular (and mother of two, whose youngest is 3 months), who fits back in her size 2 clothes. I leave feeling short, fat, and ugly.
I know it isn’t about how I look and truthfully there is no contest going on here, but I also can’t help but feel like I am delivering a slight blow with how smart my daughter is. She is ahead on her milestones, which is a huge amount of pride for me, even though I know this really hasn’t shown any evidence what so ever to have an effect later in life. The fact that she can almost walk at 8 months puts a look of depression on their face, the same look I have when I look at them. Somehow this is justice, or at the very least karmic balance in some sort of twisted way.
But despite my own issues, we go, every week. Because Tempest loves the library, the music and looking at other kids. While she isn’t old enough to really play with them she loves watching them dance around and march. Its these things that we do for our children that are true testaments as how much we love them. But honestly, I enjoy our time afterward much more. We like to walk around the library, we look at a few books, and talk with the library ladies, who are much more my pace of people. We play on the giant stuffed tiger they have, which Tempest adores. For a moment, it is just her and I in this wonderful place of books, sharing in something we both love.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
With Baby Comes Stuff
With a baby there comes stuff. We are a pretty simplistic family and typically do not like to keep a lot of stuff in our living space, does this mean we kept our baby stuff to a minimum? Well, yes and no. If you are asking me if my house is neat and clean, with all the toys put away, then no. It more resembles a hotel room after the rock stars partied hard; that is, instead of beer bottles its baby bottles, and instead of drugs its paci's, and instead of trails of mangled magazines and newspapers with scandalous reviews, well ok, that one we have (of course the reviews are which brand of diapers, or what teething toy, but still). We, also, have mounds of things that didn't quite work like we expected and things that we absolutely love. So, here is my 6 month list of very important baby items that we never knew we needed.
First and foremost, The Rock N' Play. Tempest slept in this from night two, night one for the few hours we were not doing after birth stuff she slept between me and my midwife. It was a perfect "nest for her. We could move her around the house. She got to sleep right next to me, which was great for waking up every 2 hours. At almost 7 months, we are still using this. Tempest wakes up around 5-6am and does not want to be alone. So, into the rock n play with a bottle she goes. She falls asleep while eating, i can just pull the bottle and go back to sleep ( I am not an early riser, if you wake me up before 8 you better do so with coffee or an energy drink). While we don't use this around the house anymore, It is still the single most useful baby thing we used.
Boppy. While this is great for breastfeeding support, we really didn't use it much for that purpose. It is more so for tummy time, naps, sitting up, and most recently throwing at the cats. I won't go into much detail about the specifics since practically every list on the internet says how much you need one. I will just say, buy it, and buy the waterproof cover, I have the cover and then the pretty covers that go over it, so easy to wash when say baby pees on it
Mini-Boppy. I got this as part of a gift set that included an activity mat. While we didn't use the mat much, we used the crap out of the pillow. While they tell you to start tummy time as early as possibly, what they don't tell you is babies hate tummy time (at least mine did) also, what they don't tell you is the full sized Boppy pillow looks like a bolder against a tiny few week old baby. The mini boppy was the perfect size. It was also great for head support to prop her up a little. And again is currently being used as a weapon of punishment for any cat who dares not listen to Tempest's babble that I can only take to me "Come here, Kittie!"
Chain/Links: Seriously, this toy looks kinda dumb, I mean its simple; its just rings that clip together, how entertaining is that? Well, let me tell you, extremely. Not only does Tempest love these rings, they are also the most useful things in the world. We use them to clip toys on everything; her carseat; stroller; walker; high chair; Mobile. You can pretty much use these anywhere. it prevents toys from be dropped to the ground and being lost forever. I have found, they are, also, making great teething toys.
Jeep Stroller: we looked at a lot of strollers. Seriously, I had no idea there was a world of types of strollers. I wanted one that had 3 wheels and that the wheels were big enough to go over pebbles without getting stuck like some form of rocky quick sand. I love walking and hiking and wanted something that could stand up to trails. This does it. Its heavy duty, never gets stuck, and so easy to push i can do it one handed while walking next to the stroller (for optimum cuteness viewing). I have no doubt when she is a little bigger the cup holders and wheel toy on the front will be a big hit. And while I haven't used the built in speaker feature yet, I love the idea and plan to use it as soon as I can steal my husbands MP3 player
A Book of Sleep By Il Sung Na
This book is so good, I am including a link to amazon so you can buy it right now. It is simple, sweet and the pictures are amazing! Seriously, I am so in-love with this book that i made photos from it my background on my laptop.
http://www.amazon.com/Book-Sleep-Il-Sung-Na/dp/0375862234/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370556566&sr=1-1&keywords=sleep+na
While we have plenty of other things that we use on a daily basis, these are the best products!
First and foremost, The Rock N' Play. Tempest slept in this from night two, night one for the few hours we were not doing after birth stuff she slept between me and my midwife. It was a perfect "nest for her. We could move her around the house. She got to sleep right next to me, which was great for waking up every 2 hours. At almost 7 months, we are still using this. Tempest wakes up around 5-6am and does not want to be alone. So, into the rock n play with a bottle she goes. She falls asleep while eating, i can just pull the bottle and go back to sleep ( I am not an early riser, if you wake me up before 8 you better do so with coffee or an energy drink). While we don't use this around the house anymore, It is still the single most useful baby thing we used.
Boppy. While this is great for breastfeeding support, we really didn't use it much for that purpose. It is more so for tummy time, naps, sitting up, and most recently throwing at the cats. I won't go into much detail about the specifics since practically every list on the internet says how much you need one. I will just say, buy it, and buy the waterproof cover, I have the cover and then the pretty covers that go over it, so easy to wash when say baby pees on it
Mini-Boppy. I got this as part of a gift set that included an activity mat. While we didn't use the mat much, we used the crap out of the pillow. While they tell you to start tummy time as early as possibly, what they don't tell you is babies hate tummy time (at least mine did) also, what they don't tell you is the full sized Boppy pillow looks like a bolder against a tiny few week old baby. The mini boppy was the perfect size. It was also great for head support to prop her up a little. And again is currently being used as a weapon of punishment for any cat who dares not listen to Tempest's babble that I can only take to me "Come here, Kittie!"
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| Mini-Boppy for Mini Baby |
Chain/Links: Seriously, this toy looks kinda dumb, I mean its simple; its just rings that clip together, how entertaining is that? Well, let me tell you, extremely. Not only does Tempest love these rings, they are also the most useful things in the world. We use them to clip toys on everything; her carseat; stroller; walker; high chair; Mobile. You can pretty much use these anywhere. it prevents toys from be dropped to the ground and being lost forever. I have found, they are, also, making great teething toys.
Jeep Stroller: we looked at a lot of strollers. Seriously, I had no idea there was a world of types of strollers. I wanted one that had 3 wheels and that the wheels were big enough to go over pebbles without getting stuck like some form of rocky quick sand. I love walking and hiking and wanted something that could stand up to trails. This does it. Its heavy duty, never gets stuck, and so easy to push i can do it one handed while walking next to the stroller (for optimum cuteness viewing). I have no doubt when she is a little bigger the cup holders and wheel toy on the front will be a big hit. And while I haven't used the built in speaker feature yet, I love the idea and plan to use it as soon as I can steal my husbands MP3 player
A Book of Sleep By Il Sung Na
This book is so good, I am including a link to amazon so you can buy it right now. It is simple, sweet and the pictures are amazing! Seriously, I am so in-love with this book that i made photos from it my background on my laptop.
http://www.amazon.com/Book-Sleep-Il-Sung-Na/dp/0375862234/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1370556566&sr=1-1&keywords=sleep+na
While we have plenty of other things that we use on a daily basis, these are the best products!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Our Very Merry Un-Birthday Celebration
I Thought I would post about of adventure of Tempest's very merry un-birthday celebration. We decided we would go to the Zoo. I love the Zoo and she loves going for walks in the stroller. We have a membership to our local zoo, The Detroit Zoo, So we packed up and headed out.
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| All ready to go |
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| Mom and Tempest Looking at the big birds. Tempest liked the Eagles |
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| Froggy statue |
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| Mom's favorite is the Penguins |
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| Tempest Liked the Monkey's. They made faces at her |
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| Old Man Monkey |
It was kind of chilly that morning and many of the animals were sleeping when we got there. Then it got super hot super fast. We had a little set back because mom left the bottle nipples at home, So Tempest got a new sippy cup and a swirly straw cup so she could have some food. She, also, got to try french fries for the first time. They were yummy. We had a lot of fun hanging out as a family. It was the perfect day for a 6 month very merry un-birthday celebration.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Six Months
When we found out I was pregnant, my husband and I started
talking about what days of a year to celebrate, he was very adamant about
having an un-birthday party for our baby. Since I am in love with Alice and
Wonderland and we have very few days out of the year that we do something
special, I immediately loved the idea. I decided it should be a 6 month event,
since it is no more or less her birthday. I started to plan my little girl’s 6
month birthday about 3 weeks before hand. I wanted to make it special. I
thought about how we could make it “the best day” for her.
Then we went to the grocery store. She loves going places
with mom and dad, the grocery store is no different. My husband accidentally
dropped a box of Reese’s Pieces off the shelf. She giggled at the sound of the
rattling noise. So, we bought the box of candy. She played with it the entire
time we were finishing up our shopping, the entire car ride home, and for a
good 3 hours before she went to bed. My husband enjoyed the candy that night,
thinking she was done playing with it. But being the guy that he was, left the
empty box on the desk.
The next day, Baby and I went to talk with Husband in the
office. She immediately saw the box and grabbed it off the desk. And with a
very disappointed look shook it, realized it no longer made noise, and threw it
to the ground pouting. I had to fix it; my poor little girl looked so mad. So,
I filled the box with some extra pumpkin seeds I had and taped it closed. She
had her toy back and was thrilled.
I realized over the last two days that she had “the best
day” grocery shopping and playing with something I wouldn’t have given a second
look to. It wasn’t about special
treatment or fun activities; she was just happy being with me and playing. It
was the simple things.
I no longer had to stress about trying to make it special,
it was special. We did go to the Zoo, but with the realization that it was more
of a trip for me.
So, Happy 6 month Birthday to my Little Girl. Tempest
Elizabeth you are wonderful and I can’t wait to see you grow up even more. This
has been the best 6 months of my life.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Diapers
We have been having a weird transition with diapers lately.
She was leaking a lot at night and someone recommended we go up a size again for bedtime (even though her diapers fit well) so since i had a pack of size 2 Huggies someone gave me as a gift, I figured we would try it.
I am so glad I did, because when I opened the pack, I realized that their size 2 is slightly smaller than the size 1 dollar general brand we were using. So, if I would have waited to open them until they "fit" they would have been too small.
Turns out I really like the Huggies Little Snugglers, I love the band in the back. And they fit her extremely well. But they only go to size 2. So, we bought a small pack of parent's choice, because I was told they fit similarly and I figured if I could find a new brand that I liked better that would be great. While they do fit her, they leak right away for us, it is like they didn't hold anything.
So I had a coupon and a discount code for Diapers.com. so, I just bought a case of the Huggies little movers size 3 to see how they work.
I got them in the two days as promised and stuck them up into the closet until the size 2 are gone.
Then, even the size 2 Huggies leaked. Almost every time. Seriously, I am so sick of cleaning up pee. Really. I wondered if it was these diapers, too or if my little girl is just a pee machine. After all it couldn't be the fit, the tabs still almost touched.
I decided to try the size 3 anyway. It changed my world, no more pee all over. Why is it no one tells you exactly how to know when to go up a size in diapers. I was told by a million people that when they don't fit that's when you go up, but the smaller size still fits. The bigger size looks really big. In the end I had to trust my instinct on it, but really it would have been better to not have to spend a week washing pee filled clothing, bedding, car seat, mom's clothing, blankets, and pretty much everything else in the world.
She was leaking a lot at night and someone recommended we go up a size again for bedtime (even though her diapers fit well) so since i had a pack of size 2 Huggies someone gave me as a gift, I figured we would try it.
I am so glad I did, because when I opened the pack, I realized that their size 2 is slightly smaller than the size 1 dollar general brand we were using. So, if I would have waited to open them until they "fit" they would have been too small.
Turns out I really like the Huggies Little Snugglers, I love the band in the back. And they fit her extremely well. But they only go to size 2. So, we bought a small pack of parent's choice, because I was told they fit similarly and I figured if I could find a new brand that I liked better that would be great. While they do fit her, they leak right away for us, it is like they didn't hold anything.
So I had a coupon and a discount code for Diapers.com. so, I just bought a case of the Huggies little movers size 3 to see how they work.
I got them in the two days as promised and stuck them up into the closet until the size 2 are gone.
Then, even the size 2 Huggies leaked. Almost every time. Seriously, I am so sick of cleaning up pee. Really. I wondered if it was these diapers, too or if my little girl is just a pee machine. After all it couldn't be the fit, the tabs still almost touched.
I decided to try the size 3 anyway. It changed my world, no more pee all over. Why is it no one tells you exactly how to know when to go up a size in diapers. I was told by a million people that when they don't fit that's when you go up, but the smaller size still fits. The bigger size looks really big. In the end I had to trust my instinct on it, but really it would have been better to not have to spend a week washing pee filled clothing, bedding, car seat, mom's clothing, blankets, and pretty much everything else in the world.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Snuza
I never thought I would be one of those uber paranoid moms. Breathing tools are simply for such paranoid parents that don’t let their 18 year olds out of their sights. This was not me and my husband. Until, of course, my baby stopped breathing. When we got home from the hospital, our doctors had given us strict instructions that she was to be monitors 24 / 7 until she no longer held her breath before she coughed. My husband and I took shifts staying up with her the first two days. It was hard and grueling, but we were making it work. She was getting better and I knew any day now she wouldn’t need the intense supervision we were giving her. Also, as a side note, you have no idea what intense supervision is until you spend all of 3am until 7am staring directly at a baby to make sure they are breathing. I was so scared to look away that when I did, I would put my hand on her stomach. But things were getting better. She was typically only holding her breath once or twice a day. But I knew, something awful was about to happen. My husband had to go back to work. And because he had missed so much, he was scheduled to work two shifts in a row, for EMT time, this is 48 hours. This meant I was to be home by myself with a baby, for 48 hours. 48 hours that I felt I would not be able to be asleep the entire time. After all I was still giving her the stare-down on my watches. In comes the Snuza. In preparation of Tim’s return to work, we broke down and bought a breathing monitor. It may have been the single best thing we ever purchased. For those of you who don’t know, this little monitor clips onto your babies diapers or pants and if it senses your baby is not breathing sounds an incredibly loud, incredibly annoying alarm; not just an alarm, the wake up your neighbors, car alarm in the middle of the night type alarm. Awesome. The first night it got used was the night was at work. I had tested it all that day and was completely confident in its abilities. If I didn’t turn it off for diaper changes it went off, if it was on the baby I could see it moving and doing its job. I held it to my belly and held my breath, and off it went. I even managed to get a little sleep that night. We had no breath holding fits.
Another fantastic thing about the Snuza was that since this thing was portable, it meant I could put it on her in the car. This meant I could sit up front with my husband like a normal civilized adult. Before I was riding in the back in case I needed to jostle breathing. It was a fact, I was in love with this little gadget that allowed us to resume everyday crazy parent-worrying, not crazy obsessed, read my daughters e-mails, worried parent.
There is nothing like a traumatic incident to transform you into one of the psycho paranoid parents you always made fun of.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
The Birth of Tempest Elizabeth
Since I haven't been on in forever, I figured I would come back with my very long birth story:
I was exhausted. I had gone to sleep early that evening. And for my normal being 8pm, early in this case was 5pm. My husband, Tim, was at work on a 24 hour shift as an EMT. So there was no one around but the kitties and this baby growing inside me to see how pathetic I was for going to sleep when most people were barely off of work yet. By this time I was already 9 days past my due date and had succumb to the idea that I would be pregnant the rest of my life
I woke around 3 am on November 9th; I was uncomfortable and was pretty sure my belly had cut off all circulation from my hips down. So, I heaved my belly over and rolled on my other side. Finally getting comfortable, as much as you can for being 9 ½ months pregnant, I thought to myself “I have to pee”. Deciding that I was in a rare state of comfortable, it wasn’t worth it for me to move. Sleep was a better option.
That was until an hour later, 4am. I woke up to slightly damp sheets and instantly thought about going back to sleep. I knew a giant pregnant woman should not have passed up the opportunity to pee and now I was sure I peed the bed. I stood up to go to the bathroom and realized maybe I wasn’t done peeing, as I felt a trickle run down my leg. Still being half asleep I went to the bathroom and crawled back into bed. About 10 minutes after my face hit the pillow I sat up abruptly and exclaimed to the sleeping kitties “THAT WAS MY WATER”. The kitties responding by jumping 3 feet in the air and booking it towards the door. Because of excess Amniotic fluid I had been told that once my water broke I was to lie down immediately because of the chance of prolapsed cord. So even though I wanted to jump up and down and run around the house I Stayed put in the bed. After a slight moment of panic, I grabbed my phone to call Tim. Oddly enough I had a text from him not ten minutes before which apparently my brain refused to hear. So I was sure he would be awake; I called him to tell him the excitement. He, of course, was with a patient and couldn’t answer. I left some ridiculously long message that I am sure made less sense than a vegan in a sausage factory.
After I hung up with Tim’s voicemail it was around 5am. I called my midwife, Wendy. To let her know that I was finally in labor ( I think she might have been thinking I was going to be pregnant forever too). I wasn’t really having strong contractions but I could feel them coming. Wendy assured me that if my water was only trickling that babies head was ready to go and my cord was fine. She said I could get up and move if needed, but that I should try to sleep some more and save my energy. I tried going back to sleep but honestly I don’t think any women could sleep, I was so excited.
My baby was coming! I pulled up my computer and poured over our list of baby names, which made me wonder even more if we could expect a son or daughter. I had so many thoughts running through my mind.
I finally got to sleep around 8am, just enough time to be sleeping for a few minutes before Tim got home. He was exhausted, probably even more than me. He was swamped at work all night and had hurt his leg extremely bad. Limping in pain, he tried to come in and help. But I didn’t need help; I needed sleep. I am pretty sure I sent him away, but it very well could have been his idea to leave my grumpy butt to sleep. I really don’t know and it really didn’t matter.
At around 9:30 my midwife stopped by to see how things were going and what we could expect. I was a whole 2 cm dilated and contractions were still weak and 10-15 minutes apart; it was going to be a long day. I still had a long way to go, I knew it, she knew it but after waiting this long I was just happy to get closer. With the examination we found out that baby was still posterior facing, supposedly this is pretty common in early labor and most babies turn pretty quickly after labor starts. She gave me some positions to help baby along, gave me a bottle of antibacterial wash, some instructions making sure I didn’t introduce infections and told me again to rest more. Then she left; I made Tim stay downstairs; I was alone again. I didn’t want to feel pressure of people sitting around waiting so I was grateful for my time to myself.
I spent much of the rest of the morning alone; don’t get me wrong, this was my choice. I wasn’t in too much pain, but I wasn’t up for chit chat.
I lost track of time after that. I think it was around 5 when Wendy call to see how I was doing. I told here that the contractions were much closer together, and slightly more painful now. We decided that it was time for her to come. Now, earlier in the pregnancy Tim and I decided to take part in a documentary featuring midwives and home births. So, soon after our conversation our camera crew (which was really only 3 people) started showing up, along with our midwife and two assistants. After monitoring my contractions for a little while we were about 5 minutes apart. The assistants, Wendy and Tim took turns rubbing my back and holding the heating pad against my contracting belly. At around 9, I was exhausted. I felt stuck and was starting to get annoyed at every little movement and word anyone said. My midwife suggested that everyone leave and give me the chance to sleep a little and that it might help move things along faster. So everyone took off. I made Tim lie with me for awhile, but since i wasn’t comfortable or in the mood to cuddle I told him he should go relax. I slept most of the night all the way through, barely waking up with contractions. In the morning, i woke with new energy and hope (although I was right where I was when I went to sleep).
I went downstairs to take a bath because I had heard how water was soothing to contractions and that it possibly could help speed things along. So i lugged myself down the stairs, which probably took me about 10 minutes to get down them since I had to stop every contraction. I got in the bath, and sat and watched 2 episodes of mythbusters on my kindle. Tim came in a few times to check on me. the final time I was having a hard time talking. He knew it was time to call Wendy back.
So he called, we got me upstairs (which was much harder than going down) and everyone started showing up again. This time I was not all laughing and smiling. Wendy said she knew this meant I was in serious labor. She checked me again and found that baby was still posterior and that my water had reformed.
After awhile, (I would love to give you a time frame, but I really am not sure). She said we could re-break my water and it might help move things along. Since I was only at 4cm. I told her anything that helped me move faster would be great. She broke my water, which was just weird, not painful or anything. Then she manually turned baby around the right way. It would make it easier to deliver and supposedly hurt less. Turning baby hurt, but i felt an instant relief of pressure off of my back. re-breaking my water made my contractions hurt a ton worse. At this point I really couldn’t think much and Talking was extremely hard. After what seemed like forever of contractions Wendy checked again only 6 cm and baby had flipped back around again facing posterior. she turned baby once more and suggested we get back in the bath. So Tim helped me down the stairs, I am pretty sure he half carried me, because I really couldn’t walk very well. The bath felt nice, but I was in major pain. I felt like I was in the bath for hours, but Tim says it was maybe an hour at most. I remember telling Tim I couldn’t do it, he had to get Wendy, because I was done, I had no more fight, it was time to go to the hospital.
He got Wendy, she suggested we get upstairs and see where I was at then knowing that we could decide. I agreed. So we trekked back up the stairs, which was much harder. When she checked we weren’t much further along from last time (still around 6 cm) but baby was pushing into the birth canal. She explained we could go to the hospital if I wanted, but I was still having the baby naturally because we were too far along and that I would probably give birth in the car on the way. So we stayed. It’s true that when you want to give up you are almost done. I labored on the toilet for a while, but baby’s heart rate dropped, so the stood me up and gave me some oxygen. the heart rate perked up and I got onto the bed, in the most awkward position my midwife said she had ever saw, but it was the only position the relieved any pressure from my back.
My body started to push. I could not have stopped it if I wanted to. I couldn’t talk I just moaned to relieve pressure. This baby was coming, if I was ready or not. I was still only 7 cm but baby was not waiting any longer. A few pushes later Wendy told me to reach down, I could feel my baby. Tim said this was an instant change in my mood and expression. I knew baby was almost here, I was relieved and excited. One push later and baby shot out (seriously it was so fast Tim started cracking up laughing) and was on my chest, 9:37 pm November 10th, 2012. I could here baby fussing and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever saw or felt. One of the assistants asked if it was a boy or girl. Wendy, said “I don’t know, it was so fast we didn’t even look” “Tim moved the blanket off of the Tiny little baby, we had a girl! the most beautiful baby girl I ever saw.
She was still having a little trouble breathing so Wendy used the bulb suction for like 15 minutes then finally brought out the actual suction machine that went into her lungs. I held her and Wendy suctioned, it seemed like forever but I am sure it was only a few minutes. After my baby girl’s lungs were cleared, we cut the cord, delivered the placenta and cleaned up baby (who had pooped about as much as she weighed, all over). Tim and I talked very briefly about names. Our front runner for a girl had been Zoey, but she was no Zoey. She was Feisty, and Fierce, and granted a little stubborn and troublesome. Tempest, I knew it as soon as I looked at her. It was a name we had discussed and it was on our list, but honestly I didn’t know what I thought about it. But it was Her. I knew it Tim Knew it, Tempest Elizabeth Knott was here!
After we got things cleaned up, Wendy stitched my tear. I had a second degree tear. The worst part is I knew when I was pushing I was tearing, I could have stopped it, but after days in labor I was ready to be done and I didn’t care. For only being 7 cm dilated at the time of delivery, it could have been much worse, so after a few shots and a lot of stitches. My birth experience was done.
Tempest was still having a hard time breathing, so Wendy stayed with us that night. I slept on one side of the bed, Wendy crawled into the other, with Tempest snuggled in between us. Tim got banished to the living room. By morning, her breathing was better and it was clear that she was healthy and happy.
It was such a whirlwind. It was amazing and awful, and loving and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I was exhausted. I had gone to sleep early that evening. And for my normal being 8pm, early in this case was 5pm. My husband, Tim, was at work on a 24 hour shift as an EMT. So there was no one around but the kitties and this baby growing inside me to see how pathetic I was for going to sleep when most people were barely off of work yet. By this time I was already 9 days past my due date and had succumb to the idea that I would be pregnant the rest of my life
I woke around 3 am on November 9th; I was uncomfortable and was pretty sure my belly had cut off all circulation from my hips down. So, I heaved my belly over and rolled on my other side. Finally getting comfortable, as much as you can for being 9 ½ months pregnant, I thought to myself “I have to pee”. Deciding that I was in a rare state of comfortable, it wasn’t worth it for me to move. Sleep was a better option.
That was until an hour later, 4am. I woke up to slightly damp sheets and instantly thought about going back to sleep. I knew a giant pregnant woman should not have passed up the opportunity to pee and now I was sure I peed the bed. I stood up to go to the bathroom and realized maybe I wasn’t done peeing, as I felt a trickle run down my leg. Still being half asleep I went to the bathroom and crawled back into bed. About 10 minutes after my face hit the pillow I sat up abruptly and exclaimed to the sleeping kitties “THAT WAS MY WATER”. The kitties responding by jumping 3 feet in the air and booking it towards the door. Because of excess Amniotic fluid I had been told that once my water broke I was to lie down immediately because of the chance of prolapsed cord. So even though I wanted to jump up and down and run around the house I Stayed put in the bed. After a slight moment of panic, I grabbed my phone to call Tim. Oddly enough I had a text from him not ten minutes before which apparently my brain refused to hear. So I was sure he would be awake; I called him to tell him the excitement. He, of course, was with a patient and couldn’t answer. I left some ridiculously long message that I am sure made less sense than a vegan in a sausage factory.
After I hung up with Tim’s voicemail it was around 5am. I called my midwife, Wendy. To let her know that I was finally in labor ( I think she might have been thinking I was going to be pregnant forever too). I wasn’t really having strong contractions but I could feel them coming. Wendy assured me that if my water was only trickling that babies head was ready to go and my cord was fine. She said I could get up and move if needed, but that I should try to sleep some more and save my energy. I tried going back to sleep but honestly I don’t think any women could sleep, I was so excited.
My baby was coming! I pulled up my computer and poured over our list of baby names, which made me wonder even more if we could expect a son or daughter. I had so many thoughts running through my mind.
I finally got to sleep around 8am, just enough time to be sleeping for a few minutes before Tim got home. He was exhausted, probably even more than me. He was swamped at work all night and had hurt his leg extremely bad. Limping in pain, he tried to come in and help. But I didn’t need help; I needed sleep. I am pretty sure I sent him away, but it very well could have been his idea to leave my grumpy butt to sleep. I really don’t know and it really didn’t matter.
At around 9:30 my midwife stopped by to see how things were going and what we could expect. I was a whole 2 cm dilated and contractions were still weak and 10-15 minutes apart; it was going to be a long day. I still had a long way to go, I knew it, she knew it but after waiting this long I was just happy to get closer. With the examination we found out that baby was still posterior facing, supposedly this is pretty common in early labor and most babies turn pretty quickly after labor starts. She gave me some positions to help baby along, gave me a bottle of antibacterial wash, some instructions making sure I didn’t introduce infections and told me again to rest more. Then she left; I made Tim stay downstairs; I was alone again. I didn’t want to feel pressure of people sitting around waiting so I was grateful for my time to myself.
I spent much of the rest of the morning alone; don’t get me wrong, this was my choice. I wasn’t in too much pain, but I wasn’t up for chit chat.
I lost track of time after that. I think it was around 5 when Wendy call to see how I was doing. I told here that the contractions were much closer together, and slightly more painful now. We decided that it was time for her to come. Now, earlier in the pregnancy Tim and I decided to take part in a documentary featuring midwives and home births. So, soon after our conversation our camera crew (which was really only 3 people) started showing up, along with our midwife and two assistants. After monitoring my contractions for a little while we were about 5 minutes apart. The assistants, Wendy and Tim took turns rubbing my back and holding the heating pad against my contracting belly. At around 9, I was exhausted. I felt stuck and was starting to get annoyed at every little movement and word anyone said. My midwife suggested that everyone leave and give me the chance to sleep a little and that it might help move things along faster. So everyone took off. I made Tim lie with me for awhile, but since i wasn’t comfortable or in the mood to cuddle I told him he should go relax. I slept most of the night all the way through, barely waking up with contractions. In the morning, i woke with new energy and hope (although I was right where I was when I went to sleep).
I went downstairs to take a bath because I had heard how water was soothing to contractions and that it possibly could help speed things along. So i lugged myself down the stairs, which probably took me about 10 minutes to get down them since I had to stop every contraction. I got in the bath, and sat and watched 2 episodes of mythbusters on my kindle. Tim came in a few times to check on me. the final time I was having a hard time talking. He knew it was time to call Wendy back.
So he called, we got me upstairs (which was much harder than going down) and everyone started showing up again. This time I was not all laughing and smiling. Wendy said she knew this meant I was in serious labor. She checked me again and found that baby was still posterior and that my water had reformed.
After awhile, (I would love to give you a time frame, but I really am not sure). She said we could re-break my water and it might help move things along. Since I was only at 4cm. I told her anything that helped me move faster would be great. She broke my water, which was just weird, not painful or anything. Then she manually turned baby around the right way. It would make it easier to deliver and supposedly hurt less. Turning baby hurt, but i felt an instant relief of pressure off of my back. re-breaking my water made my contractions hurt a ton worse. At this point I really couldn’t think much and Talking was extremely hard. After what seemed like forever of contractions Wendy checked again only 6 cm and baby had flipped back around again facing posterior. she turned baby once more and suggested we get back in the bath. So Tim helped me down the stairs, I am pretty sure he half carried me, because I really couldn’t walk very well. The bath felt nice, but I was in major pain. I felt like I was in the bath for hours, but Tim says it was maybe an hour at most. I remember telling Tim I couldn’t do it, he had to get Wendy, because I was done, I had no more fight, it was time to go to the hospital.
He got Wendy, she suggested we get upstairs and see where I was at then knowing that we could decide. I agreed. So we trekked back up the stairs, which was much harder. When she checked we weren’t much further along from last time (still around 6 cm) but baby was pushing into the birth canal. She explained we could go to the hospital if I wanted, but I was still having the baby naturally because we were too far along and that I would probably give birth in the car on the way. So we stayed. It’s true that when you want to give up you are almost done. I labored on the toilet for a while, but baby’s heart rate dropped, so the stood me up and gave me some oxygen. the heart rate perked up and I got onto the bed, in the most awkward position my midwife said she had ever saw, but it was the only position the relieved any pressure from my back.
My body started to push. I could not have stopped it if I wanted to. I couldn’t talk I just moaned to relieve pressure. This baby was coming, if I was ready or not. I was still only 7 cm but baby was not waiting any longer. A few pushes later Wendy told me to reach down, I could feel my baby. Tim said this was an instant change in my mood and expression. I knew baby was almost here, I was relieved and excited. One push later and baby shot out (seriously it was so fast Tim started cracking up laughing) and was on my chest, 9:37 pm November 10th, 2012. I could here baby fussing and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever saw or felt. One of the assistants asked if it was a boy or girl. Wendy, said “I don’t know, it was so fast we didn’t even look” “Tim moved the blanket off of the Tiny little baby, we had a girl! the most beautiful baby girl I ever saw.
She was still having a little trouble breathing so Wendy used the bulb suction for like 15 minutes then finally brought out the actual suction machine that went into her lungs. I held her and Wendy suctioned, it seemed like forever but I am sure it was only a few minutes. After my baby girl’s lungs were cleared, we cut the cord, delivered the placenta and cleaned up baby (who had pooped about as much as she weighed, all over). Tim and I talked very briefly about names. Our front runner for a girl had been Zoey, but she was no Zoey. She was Feisty, and Fierce, and granted a little stubborn and troublesome. Tempest, I knew it as soon as I looked at her. It was a name we had discussed and it was on our list, but honestly I didn’t know what I thought about it. But it was Her. I knew it Tim Knew it, Tempest Elizabeth Knott was here!
After we got things cleaned up, Wendy stitched my tear. I had a second degree tear. The worst part is I knew when I was pushing I was tearing, I could have stopped it, but after days in labor I was ready to be done and I didn’t care. For only being 7 cm dilated at the time of delivery, it could have been much worse, so after a few shots and a lot of stitches. My birth experience was done.
Tempest was still having a hard time breathing, so Wendy stayed with us that night. I slept on one side of the bed, Wendy crawled into the other, with Tempest snuggled in between us. Tim got banished to the living room. By morning, her breathing was better and it was clear that she was healthy and happy.
It was such a whirlwind. It was amazing and awful, and loving and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Joys of Pregnancy: Heartburn
I have had serious heartburn through the whole pregnancy. At first saltines seemed to do the trick. When those stopped working Cherry concentrate and apple cider vinager worked amazingly. That didn't last. After that mints worked great, then I resorted to tums. Now, my tums offer little relief as well. Tonight I am resorting to constant eating to cure this heartburn. I am now wondering if there is a way to rig up my mouth to chew and eat in my sleep.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Baby V-day
So, yesterday was viability day. For those of you who don't know. This is 24 weeks into pregnancy. It is the time where the baby is considered Viable. That means if I were to give birth right now, doctors would do everything possible to save the baby. This also means our statistics are looking better and better.
This is one of those odd milestones that makes me feel very excited. To know that we are that much closer to having a baby in our house and not just in my belly.
This is one of those odd milestones that makes me feel very excited. To know that we are that much closer to having a baby in our house and not just in my belly.
 |
| 24 week baby bump |
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Food Stamps
Well all, this is the kind of thing I normally would keep to myself but I think I need to get some thoughts out there about it and that is why I created this blog in the first place.
So, here it goes: I just activated my account for food stamps. Our card, better known as the bridge card to those of you here in Michigan, has left me with some mixed feelings that I would like to explore.
There is a huge stigma in this country about any form of government assistance, In this area specifically, it is looked down upon and if you are on any form of it you might as well be one step up from trash in many people's eyes. So, with this attitude in the back of my mind, I do feel an immense amount of shame for succumbing to my needs of applying for help. Also, I know my shame will be much worse tonight when we use the card for the first time.
So why with all these feelings did I decide to apply in the first place and not just go on struggling through? After all, we were making it before hand. Well I have two separate, and in my mind equally important reasons for putting myself through this.
1. Personal Situation: When Tim lost his job earlier this year it was a devastating loss. He is the income in our family, even when I do bring in money it is extra. We did OK for a short time after, it was right when we were getting our tax returns back. So, instead of buying a car that runs properly, We stocked up our freezer and paid all our bills a month in advance. We thought this would for sure get us through until his unemployment check came in or he found another job.
The following month and zero job offers later, we also got the horrible news that one government agency had let us down. We weren't getting unemployment, we had no prospect of future income. To make things more stressful; my little part time job only had a month left; I found out I was pregnant, which is a great thing since we had been trying for months, but it also meant I needed to eat better, which costs a lot more money especially in winter in Michigan when there is no local produce.
So with no incoming coming in we started to get behind on our bills, somehow we still managed to struggle through and soon after Tim found a job. But now we were behind. We already had a fairly large (at least in my eyes) amount of debt, so we had no credit cards to hold us over. We struggled, missed payments, bought the cheapest food we could so we would have enough money for gas to get to work. I knew it would get better, since we were doing fine before and this job was equal in pay to what we were getting. What I didn't expect was that once you get behind, it is much harder to get caught up. We were, and still are just one paycheck behind. We started paying what was most important. We were a little late on a lot of bills, but they were still getting paid.
The I got sick. The food that we had stocked up in our freezer was running out and we had been eating crap food. Although I was still making sure to take vitamins (and doubling up to account for the lack of them in my diet) I wasn't feeling good. My body was just off balance and with the baby taking most of the nutrients that I did have. I got a UTI, a yeast infection and I could feel an overgrowth of yeast in my whole system, and my PH level was extremely low and I knew continuing with it would just be asking for bacteria to take over more. I knew I wasn't doing myself or the baby a favor my saving money eating pasta and breads and nothing else. I knew I needed to spend the extra money on healthy foods. It was money we didn't have, but I had no choice. So we bought our food for the week, actual fresh fruits and veggies (lots of salad, my major craving), Greek yogurt and an all around healthy diet. It came to 4 times what our "Cheap crap" diet was, but we spent it anyway.
I started feeling better right away, the infections I had cleared up and I even got some energy back (which I attribute half to diet and half to entering into the 2nd trimester). But our bills struggled more. We now were spending more on food so there was less to go around for bills. We were still behind from before and now we were falling further. I hate living this way. I grew up living like that, it wasn't always that bad, but I do remember plenty of red letter envelopes. The stress of the bills was much more than any stress I had felt before. I knew going like this wasn't any better than eating crap to survive.
So, I swallowed my pride and applied for help. Since it is pretty much all done online it wasn't too bad. But I somehow still felt like a failure. Even though I am doing this to help my little growing family, I still can't shake those feelings of letting everything down.
2. Social Reasons: This is no where near as long of a story, but I find it important none the less. Why apply for the infamous Bridge Card? Because there should not be shame, there should not be the stigma attached to such a thing, and in my own way it is my protest against these thoughts and ideas in our society.
Democracy, for all it's wonderful advantages, also creates a need for a certain number of the population to be poor. This is just how our system operates. Because a certain number must remain in the poor class (and reproduce the poor class) there is an advantage for the system to take care of this said poor class. Now I think for all our system does do that it is seriously lacking in this department, especially when compared to other countries, but that is another rant entirely.
So, with my two reasons in mind. I will use my bridge card tonight without shame (at least try to). And will take comfort that it is that much more money that we can get back on track with.
So, here it goes: I just activated my account for food stamps. Our card, better known as the bridge card to those of you here in Michigan, has left me with some mixed feelings that I would like to explore.
There is a huge stigma in this country about any form of government assistance, In this area specifically, it is looked down upon and if you are on any form of it you might as well be one step up from trash in many people's eyes. So, with this attitude in the back of my mind, I do feel an immense amount of shame for succumbing to my needs of applying for help. Also, I know my shame will be much worse tonight when we use the card for the first time.
So why with all these feelings did I decide to apply in the first place and not just go on struggling through? After all, we were making it before hand. Well I have two separate, and in my mind equally important reasons for putting myself through this.
1. Personal Situation: When Tim lost his job earlier this year it was a devastating loss. He is the income in our family, even when I do bring in money it is extra. We did OK for a short time after, it was right when we were getting our tax returns back. So, instead of buying a car that runs properly, We stocked up our freezer and paid all our bills a month in advance. We thought this would for sure get us through until his unemployment check came in or he found another job.
The following month and zero job offers later, we also got the horrible news that one government agency had let us down. We weren't getting unemployment, we had no prospect of future income. To make things more stressful; my little part time job only had a month left; I found out I was pregnant, which is a great thing since we had been trying for months, but it also meant I needed to eat better, which costs a lot more money especially in winter in Michigan when there is no local produce.
So with no incoming coming in we started to get behind on our bills, somehow we still managed to struggle through and soon after Tim found a job. But now we were behind. We already had a fairly large (at least in my eyes) amount of debt, so we had no credit cards to hold us over. We struggled, missed payments, bought the cheapest food we could so we would have enough money for gas to get to work. I knew it would get better, since we were doing fine before and this job was equal in pay to what we were getting. What I didn't expect was that once you get behind, it is much harder to get caught up. We were, and still are just one paycheck behind. We started paying what was most important. We were a little late on a lot of bills, but they were still getting paid.
The I got sick. The food that we had stocked up in our freezer was running out and we had been eating crap food. Although I was still making sure to take vitamins (and doubling up to account for the lack of them in my diet) I wasn't feeling good. My body was just off balance and with the baby taking most of the nutrients that I did have. I got a UTI, a yeast infection and I could feel an overgrowth of yeast in my whole system, and my PH level was extremely low and I knew continuing with it would just be asking for bacteria to take over more. I knew I wasn't doing myself or the baby a favor my saving money eating pasta and breads and nothing else. I knew I needed to spend the extra money on healthy foods. It was money we didn't have, but I had no choice. So we bought our food for the week, actual fresh fruits and veggies (lots of salad, my major craving), Greek yogurt and an all around healthy diet. It came to 4 times what our "Cheap crap" diet was, but we spent it anyway.
I started feeling better right away, the infections I had cleared up and I even got some energy back (which I attribute half to diet and half to entering into the 2nd trimester). But our bills struggled more. We now were spending more on food so there was less to go around for bills. We were still behind from before and now we were falling further. I hate living this way. I grew up living like that, it wasn't always that bad, but I do remember plenty of red letter envelopes. The stress of the bills was much more than any stress I had felt before. I knew going like this wasn't any better than eating crap to survive.
So, I swallowed my pride and applied for help. Since it is pretty much all done online it wasn't too bad. But I somehow still felt like a failure. Even though I am doing this to help my little growing family, I still can't shake those feelings of letting everything down.
2. Social Reasons: This is no where near as long of a story, but I find it important none the less. Why apply for the infamous Bridge Card? Because there should not be shame, there should not be the stigma attached to such a thing, and in my own way it is my protest against these thoughts and ideas in our society.
Democracy, for all it's wonderful advantages, also creates a need for a certain number of the population to be poor. This is just how our system operates. Because a certain number must remain in the poor class (and reproduce the poor class) there is an advantage for the system to take care of this said poor class. Now I think for all our system does do that it is seriously lacking in this department, especially when compared to other countries, but that is another rant entirely.
So, with my two reasons in mind. I will use my bridge card tonight without shame (at least try to). And will take comfort that it is that much more money that we can get back on track with.
Friday, May 25, 2012
The Stuff: Diapers
So, Being a first time mom I started looking into baby stuff immediately after finding out that I was pregnant (O.K. it was actually before I was pregnant) but now that we are further along we are getting serious about actually making decisions.
Here is the thing: There is a lot of crap. Like a lot. We do not need all that stuff. No one needs all the baby stuff that is out there. Fine, I already knew that. what I don't know is what I actually do need or what I will really want. I imagine for any parents it is difficult, but for first time parents it is almost impossible. As of right now, I have not bought anything, seriously nothing, no onsies, not bottles no baby stuff, at all. I can say a lot of this is because of my confusion.
So this is my new series of posts on the stuff that we are researching and how it is messing with my mind. Our first entry. Diapers.
Diapers: I was sure this would be easy for us. We knew we wanted to do cloth, it is out lifestyle. I didn't want create the waste, nor spend so much money on disposables. Plus we try to live as natural as possible, which means no chemicals. and natural disposables are way way way expensive! So, obviously we are doing cloth. Decision done.
Or so I thought. one search of cloth diapers would tell me much different. It was a whole world. All these different types and styles. I had no idea. What is going to work for us, All in ones, prefolds, fitted, pockets. It was a new language and one I didn't understand.. at all. Then, there was all the brands. Even if I knew what type I wanted I would have no idea what brands. I considered just going with disposable because it was so confusing.
If you think this is easier because you decided to go disposable, you are also wrong. You still have to pick brand, style, natural, cheap, whatever. and if you need crazy things like Diaper Genies.
So, for me cloth it is still. We will be trying a few styles and brands. Then, the next step actually thinking about how it will really work. Thinking about the practicality of it is a whole other thing. What to do with the dirty diapers, do we use use cloth wipes too, how do you take care of them before washing.
The Wipe Debate: Cloth wipes make sense with cloth diapers, then you don't need a garbage for the wipes separately. But that also means more laundry, more cleaning and that I need to figure out just what is best to use for cloth.
So, possibly disposable wipes. Then, garbage? in the bathroom? in the baby room? What about a wipe warmer, who needs a wipe warmer anyway? Seriously, are wipes that cold? I find this to be one of the crazy inventions that I don't need at all.
I haven't came up with answers to this yet. I, actually have not done any research on it.
Dirty Diapers: How feasible is it to walk the dirty diaper to the bathroom to dump it out, then what? Our bathroom is tiny, I don't think we will be able to fit a spot for diapers in it.
Speaking of where diapers go, I had no idea about wet bags, wet pails or any other method to store dirty diapers. Personally I really like the idea of a wet pail, where the diapers soak. Then I wouldn't have to soak them pre-laundry. One of the hard things about a pail is that you need to be able to dump it. I don't want to be carrying a big pail of water through the house (especially not all the way downstairs) so I have to dump it before hand. if I can figure it out though, it would be great.
OK, that sounds good. Again my bathroom is tiny. And I'm not talking about small like you see in magazines that have the articles about more storage in "small" bathrooms. "Add a table or small dresser for storage" any advice like this means you do not have a small bathroom. I can sit on the toilet and wash my hands in the sink and feet in the bathtub. Putting a pail in the bathroom for easy diaper storage and dumping would be hard.
So, I don't know what we are doing. I did think about maybe a storage device that hooks to the wall next to the toilet (and half in the shower) with a drain so I could pull the drain and then take the bucket off the wall and carry it (minus the water) downstairs for laundry. This is an invention in my own mind, so I, 1. don't know if it will work and 2. I would have to build it.
My Best Advice: The best advice I have got is take it slow and no matter what you do know you will probably have to try a few things anyway. While we still haven't made any decisions, I feel like it is do-able, at least as far as diapers. stay tune for my next The Stuff entry to see if I feel the same way about strollers and car seats
Here is the thing: There is a lot of crap. Like a lot. We do not need all that stuff. No one needs all the baby stuff that is out there. Fine, I already knew that. what I don't know is what I actually do need or what I will really want. I imagine for any parents it is difficult, but for first time parents it is almost impossible. As of right now, I have not bought anything, seriously nothing, no onsies, not bottles no baby stuff, at all. I can say a lot of this is because of my confusion.
So this is my new series of posts on the stuff that we are researching and how it is messing with my mind. Our first entry. Diapers.
Diapers: I was sure this would be easy for us. We knew we wanted to do cloth, it is out lifestyle. I didn't want create the waste, nor spend so much money on disposables. Plus we try to live as natural as possible, which means no chemicals. and natural disposables are way way way expensive! So, obviously we are doing cloth. Decision done.
Or so I thought. one search of cloth diapers would tell me much different. It was a whole world. All these different types and styles. I had no idea. What is going to work for us, All in ones, prefolds, fitted, pockets. It was a new language and one I didn't understand.. at all. Then, there was all the brands. Even if I knew what type I wanted I would have no idea what brands. I considered just going with disposable because it was so confusing.
If you think this is easier because you decided to go disposable, you are also wrong. You still have to pick brand, style, natural, cheap, whatever. and if you need crazy things like Diaper Genies.
So, for me cloth it is still. We will be trying a few styles and brands. Then, the next step actually thinking about how it will really work. Thinking about the practicality of it is a whole other thing. What to do with the dirty diapers, do we use use cloth wipes too, how do you take care of them before washing.
The Wipe Debate: Cloth wipes make sense with cloth diapers, then you don't need a garbage for the wipes separately. But that also means more laundry, more cleaning and that I need to figure out just what is best to use for cloth.
So, possibly disposable wipes. Then, garbage? in the bathroom? in the baby room? What about a wipe warmer, who needs a wipe warmer anyway? Seriously, are wipes that cold? I find this to be one of the crazy inventions that I don't need at all.
I haven't came up with answers to this yet. I, actually have not done any research on it.
Dirty Diapers: How feasible is it to walk the dirty diaper to the bathroom to dump it out, then what? Our bathroom is tiny, I don't think we will be able to fit a spot for diapers in it.
Speaking of where diapers go, I had no idea about wet bags, wet pails or any other method to store dirty diapers. Personally I really like the idea of a wet pail, where the diapers soak. Then I wouldn't have to soak them pre-laundry. One of the hard things about a pail is that you need to be able to dump it. I don't want to be carrying a big pail of water through the house (especially not all the way downstairs) so I have to dump it before hand. if I can figure it out though, it would be great.
OK, that sounds good. Again my bathroom is tiny. And I'm not talking about small like you see in magazines that have the articles about more storage in "small" bathrooms. "Add a table or small dresser for storage" any advice like this means you do not have a small bathroom. I can sit on the toilet and wash my hands in the sink and feet in the bathtub. Putting a pail in the bathroom for easy diaper storage and dumping would be hard.
So, I don't know what we are doing. I did think about maybe a storage device that hooks to the wall next to the toilet (and half in the shower) with a drain so I could pull the drain and then take the bucket off the wall and carry it (minus the water) downstairs for laundry. This is an invention in my own mind, so I, 1. don't know if it will work and 2. I would have to build it.
My Best Advice: The best advice I have got is take it slow and no matter what you do know you will probably have to try a few things anyway. While we still haven't made any decisions, I feel like it is do-able, at least as far as diapers. stay tune for my next The Stuff entry to see if I feel the same way about strollers and car seats
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Baby Moving
I got to feel the baby for the first time last night. I was laying down and was a little uncomfortable, so I switched sides and very shortly after that felt baby flip too. It felt like a little strand of mini beads rolling across my uterus. I was surprised that it was very obvious that it was in my uterus. I had always heard that it was hard to tell at first if it was gas, digestion or baby.
I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow and being a first time mom I really wasn't expecting to feel anything for sure until much later, but it was such unique and wonderful feeling (and a little freaky).
I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow and being a first time mom I really wasn't expecting to feel anything for sure until much later, but it was such unique and wonderful feeling (and a little freaky).
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Times They Are A-Changin'
Good morning blog world! I promise I have not forgot about you. Life as we know it has been equally crazy and exciting.
I'm Pregnant!
OK, so yes, I am very excited. Even more so, Tim is very excite. I am actually surprised that he is so excited about it. Just goes to show me I have the most wonderful Husband
So, for all of you (and for my record), here is the run-down of early events
I found out: Feb 27th at like 11:30 P.M.
I told Tim: Feb 28th. I broke it to him very gently because With the stress of him being unemployed at the time I was worried about his reaction. He was excited right off the bat. I cried because I was so relieved and happy
Baby's arrival: Last week of Oct/First week of November. Not comfortable with a date because I have long cycles. According to my Last Period (the date that many doctors use) we are looking at Oct 31st. According to my ovulation date (which is a little more accurate, but unsure if I actually Ovulated then) Our date is November 10th. So, I figure first week of November is a good guess.
We told my Mom and Step dad, Randy: March 4th. I wanted her to be the first to know; my mom and I are really close and I couldn't imagine anyone besides Tim and I knowing before she did. I gave her a CD of Carol King's "Really Rosie" It's a kid's CD that we listened to when I was a child. I told her she needed to memorize it before November. After a second for it to sink in she yelled "You're pregnant" then almost cried. It was a great experience
We told Tim's family: March 7th. They were all excited. I think his older sister is the most excited.
My first bout with Morning sickness: March 5th. I got really nauseous on my drive to work. I almost had to pull over a few times.
Morning Sickness really kicked in: March 13th. I have been nauseous pretty much ever since. and Have found Preggie Drops and hard candy is my friend.
I'm Pregnant!
OK, so yes, I am very excited. Even more so, Tim is very excite. I am actually surprised that he is so excited about it. Just goes to show me I have the most wonderful Husband
So, for all of you (and for my record), here is the run-down of early events
I found out: Feb 27th at like 11:30 P.M.
I told Tim: Feb 28th. I broke it to him very gently because With the stress of him being unemployed at the time I was worried about his reaction. He was excited right off the bat. I cried because I was so relieved and happy
Baby's arrival: Last week of Oct/First week of November. Not comfortable with a date because I have long cycles. According to my Last Period (the date that many doctors use) we are looking at Oct 31st. According to my ovulation date (which is a little more accurate, but unsure if I actually Ovulated then) Our date is November 10th. So, I figure first week of November is a good guess.
We told my Mom and Step dad, Randy: March 4th. I wanted her to be the first to know; my mom and I are really close and I couldn't imagine anyone besides Tim and I knowing before she did. I gave her a CD of Carol King's "Really Rosie" It's a kid's CD that we listened to when I was a child. I told her she needed to memorize it before November. After a second for it to sink in she yelled "You're pregnant" then almost cried. It was a great experience
We told Tim's family: March 7th. They were all excited. I think his older sister is the most excited.
My first bout with Morning sickness: March 5th. I got really nauseous on my drive to work. I almost had to pull over a few times.
Morning Sickness really kicked in: March 13th. I have been nauseous pretty much ever since. and Have found Preggie Drops and hard candy is my friend.
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