Baby Moving

I got to feel the baby for the first time last night. I was laying down and was a little uncomfortable, so I switched sides and very shortly after that felt baby flip too. It felt like a little strand of mini beads rolling across my uterus. I was surprised that it was very obvious that it was in my uterus. I had always heard that it was hard to tell at first if it was gas, digestion or baby.


I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow and being a first time mom I really wasn't expecting to feel anything for sure until much later, but it was such unique and wonderful feeling (and a little freaky).

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Good morning blog world! I promise I have not forgot about you. Life as we know it has been equally crazy and exciting.

I'm Pregnant!
OK, so yes, I am very excited. Even more so, Tim is very excite. I am actually surprised that he is so excited about it. Just goes to show me I have the most wonderful Husband

So, for all of you (and for my record), here is the run-down of early events

I found out: Feb 27th at like 11:30 P.M.

I told Tim: Feb 28th. I broke it to him very gently because With the stress of him being unemployed at the time I was worried about his reaction. He was excited right off the bat. I cried because I was so relieved and happy

Baby's arrival: Last week of Oct/First week of November. Not comfortable with a date because I have long cycles. According to my Last Period (the date that many doctors use) we are looking at Oct 31st. According to my ovulation date (which is a little more accurate, but unsure if I actually Ovulated then) Our date is November 10th. So, I figure first week of November is a good guess.

We told my Mom and Step dad, Randy: March 4th. I wanted her to be the first to know; my mom and I are really close and I couldn't imagine anyone besides Tim and I knowing before she did. I gave her a CD of Carol King's "Really Rosie" It's a kid's CD that we listened to when I was a child. I told her she needed to memorize it before November. After a second for it to sink in she yelled "You're pregnant" then almost cried. It was a great experience

We told Tim's family: March 7th. They were all excited. I think his older sister is the most excited.

My first bout with Morning sickness: March 5th. I got really nauseous on my drive to work. I almost had to pull over a few times.

Morning Sickness really kicked in: March 13th. I have been nauseous pretty much ever since. and Have found Preggie Drops and hard candy is my friend.

Positivity, Even in Challenges

When you stumble, get back up. It is imperative that you see like as constantly revolving. Fluid, like that of the ocean; ever expanding vastness, with endless possibilities and potentials. Without chance there isn't gain, without fumbles there isn't wins. Some may see me as optimistic, some naive, some just plain dumb; none of these things and all of these things are true. I am naive, dumb, but most optimistic; I am the positive I wish to see in the world.

OHP: Recapping Month 2

As we are closing in on Month 2 of my Organized Home Project it is time to check in on my progress. I am making improvements, but no where near as fast as I would like.

30 Box Throw Away
So, as of my initial post I had discarded myself of 7 boxes of stuff. I quickly was falling behind after January closed with still only the 7 boxes gone. February put another hold on my OHP when Tim lost his job and I began picking up all the hours I could. I wasn't home and couldn't get anything done. This put me further behind. Even watching my motivation show, Hoarders, only made me feel guilty for not getting stuff done.

So, finally after a few weeks getting use to having Tim home all the time, I started picking back up with my OHP. I am up a few more boxes. Here is the list I have gotten rid of last week:

• 1 more bag of books
• 1 box of junk that needed to be thrown away
• 1 box of random kitchen stuff
• 2 boxes of mini ciders that I had left over from my wedding. I am proud of getting rid of these because they are one of the items that I said "I will do something with these" and they have just been sitting in the way

Some of the stuff getting ready to go to it's new home

So, now we are up to 12 boxes. I have three more days before I should have 20 boxes gone. I have been pretty much running around my house seeing what stuff I could get rid of. I have just made another post to my local free-cycle group (a wonderful resource; look into it!) and I have the week off for spring break. I plan to work all week to get at least to 20, but hopefully ahead of that (maybe even get to 30). So, off I go to run around my house and find more stuff to throw away, more stuff to give away and even some stuff to sell.

Life: an update

I figured I would take a second to write an update about life.

First and foremost our biggest change is that Tim lost his job. It comes as quite a shock to us both. I really think this is an opportunity for him to work for a company that is respectable and maybe that he will like better, but in the mean time it will be tough. He had a great interview last Wednesday and I think it went well, we are just waiting to hear.

Because of Tim's job loss, he has been home all week. Between that and the fact that I picked up more hours at work, I have got nothing done on my OHP. I am now down bags of stuff to get rid of and am going to have to work extra hard to catch up. Also, my diet and exercise have slightly decreased. This isn't all because Tim has been home, it actually mostly has to do with the Snow outside. I hate snow, I really hate snow.

As for our trying to conceive, although we have decided to "break" for a few months, we really haven't been. For us, a break simply is not scheduling time for us to have sex and not being so dependant on Ovulation Predictor Kits. Also, I have been cutting down on baby forums and looking at baby stuff and packed away all baby books. It has caused me to stress less about conceiving, but at the same time I have given up on the idea that I might get pregnant these few cycles. I guess only time will tell if it is a good decision or not.

As for me, My school and job are going fine. I am actually finding my french class to be some-what easy. This is my last class and I will be so happy to be finished in April, but it seems to be moving fast. My Job is great as always, I really enjoy helping students with their writing. I am considering Graduate School so I can keep my job longer (it's a student position). 

As a recap of this year, it has been a strange year. There has been many stumbling blocks along the way and very few moving sidewalks. I am hoping we get them all out of the way very soon and can propel through the rest of the three quarters of the year.

Seeking resolve

“It is no longer a question of a false representation of reality (ideology) but of concealing the fact that the real is no longer real, and thus of saving the reality principle.” ― Jean Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation

One can only wonder why a company whose existence is there for the serving of the population can be so void of humanity. Where is the karmatic balance of it all in the world? One territory, one company or one family or even one man can create such an imbalance to the system.  That the truth behind the injustices of the world,  In which, then, we become the life of discord, like lost souls, crying out in hunger pains; for day light; for a time where helping is helping because it is valiant , not because it is an opportunity to hold power over the docile; for a moment, even fleeting, when the imbalances converge within themselves to collapse the unjust of the system; or the repressed, themselves, are allowed to step out of the shadows they have been cast to and concur the Bourgeoisie. Crying out for anything to bring us out of these nights, the nights of deception, crying out for the time when reality is, in fact, real and not some experiment to leave us salivating, waiting for Pavlov to take pity on the starvation. It has become acceptable for such experiments to continue in our world, in theirs, without explanation or reparation. A lack of social justice and accountability have molded an imbalance so substantial that it no longer is distinguishable from the world in which it was born in, instead it seeks to replace it, the ultimate Oedipal Complex. Kill the unprejudiced father and take reign of mother ideology. Only then the company, rid of humanity, can exist, without challenge, without validation, without reason. Only then the individuals that create the system, no longer have the right to question.  Only then are there no answers, for the answers are themselves the questions in which we seek sanctuary from. An attempt to answer without the question becomes perilous. In that hazard, it becomes apparent that the answers we seek are no longer the meanings that exist, instead the authenticity has altered and the questions themselves fuel the demise of one while another, the one of the man, family, company or territory, becomes valid.  

The Weight Challenge

So, a few days ago, I stepped on the scale (well the Wii board) for the first time in over a month. I was shocked to see that my weight had crept up, dangerously close to the most I have ever been. Now, I know much of this is related to stress, which I have been experiencing a lot of But, the glaring number staring back at me from the screen was a wake up call that I was in no way prepared for. I know I should have noticed the cues. I only have one pair of jeans that fit me and they are the biggest pair I own, I'm winded at everything, and I've been overly tired. All signs I am stressed and fat. That's right I said it FAT. I must be honest with myself if things are to change. It isn't just a little overweight, it isn't just chubby, it is fat.
I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I look at old pictures of myself and think "what happened?" Now, I'm not saying I want to get back to that point either. Weight has always been an issue, when I was younger I was underweight, grossly. Now, I'm over, what I think is grossly. I just want that middle ground, where I am not ashamed of my own body.

So, I've started keeping track of my food again and have made some healthy changes that I will continue to follow. I have, also, set goals that I feel are realistic.

Goal One: Keep track of all calories. This makes me face the facts and makes it easier for me to say no to snacking. I think to myself, "Do I really want to write this down?" The answer is usually no. Also, I can look at the calories I have eaten and realize I am not hungry

Goal Two: Keep track of all exercise. This way I can see exactly how much I am doing and, as opposite of calorie tracking, I can say "if I do this, I can add it"

Goal Three: Yoga and meditation. These are great tools for me to relax and remove stress and any stress relief that isn't eating is good.

Goal Four: Don't beat myself up. I understand it will take time, I understand that weight does not change the person I am, I understand that even if I fail I can still be on track. Remember this!

This week's weight in: Here is my brutally honest check in. I am starting at a horrible 178 and barely fitting into my larger than normal size 10 jeans. I hope to finish the week at a 170 and comfortably fitting into those jeans.